The commanding officer of the 4077th M*A*S*H, Lt. Col. Henry Blake, dragged his feet into his office. He and his surgeons had just come off a 6-hour shift in the OR. Still in his scrubs, Henry walked over to his liquor cabinet and poured himself a small glass of whiskey. He took a small sip and sat down at his desk. It was then the camp's company clerk walked in, Radar.

Clipboard in hand, he approached the Colonel's desk.

"What is it, Radar?" Henry asked, yawning. The Corporal handed him the clipboard.

"Just need you to sign these, sir." He said politely. Henry sighed heavily and took clipboard.

"I'm always signing things." Complained Henry.

"Yes, sir." Commented Radar.

"Sometimes I'd think I would be more convenient as a rubber stamp."

"Yes, sir."

"What is this anyway?"

"Requisition for more pens, sir." Henry glared up at Radar as the office door opened once more. Captain 'Trapper' John, a camp surgeon, popped his head in.

"Henry," said Trapper "more wounded. Two jeeps and bus."

"Great!" yelled Henry in anger. Radar lifted his head.

"Two choppers, too." Reported the Corporal.

In the center of the compound doctors, nurses and corpsmen ran frantically around to the wounded that were being laid out on the ground, ready for medical evaluation. As Trapper and Henry ran toward the scene another surgeon greeted them, by the name of 'Hawkeye'. Henry was called to another case and Trapper knelled down with Hawkeye.

"What have got?" asked Trapper, above the commotion.

"Usual stuff." Said Hawkeye, moving on to the next case. The noise of choppers sounded, the doctor's looked up to see a pair landing on the helipad.

" Can you handle this?" asked Trapper. Hawkeye waved his hand.

"Yeah, go." He said. Trapper got up and bumped into the forth 'surgeon' in the camp, Major Frank Burns.

"Watch where you're going!" cried the Major. Hawkeye looked up.

"Take Frank with you!" he said. Trapper grabbed Frank's shoulder but the Major pushed it away.

"Take me where?" he demanded.

"Choppers, Frank!" said Trapper.

"Go with the nurses!" yelled Frank.

"Go!" urged Hawkeye.

"Yeah, Frank," Trapper started "the army issued new chopper blades and you could have your nose hair trimmed." Then the Captain yanked the Major toward the helipad and, after stumbling, Burns followed. Along with four nurses and three corpsmen, the two doctors reached the choppers. Frank took the one on the left, while Trapper took the other. Quickly looking over each wounded Trapper turned to the chopper pilot.

"What's going on down there? This is the third batch since yesterday's supper." Asked Trapper.

"Big battle at the lines, all medical units are over loaded." Reported the pilot. Trapper administered an IV to a leg wound patient. "At least they're saving you guys from the army food." Said the pilot. With a smile Trapper looked up. "I gotta go back for more." Added the pilot. They unloaded the last soldier and the chopper took off.

Soon all surgeons were in OR, repairing the latest delivery. One shift of nurses was also present and corpsmen were also at work. Except the orders the doctors were giving the nurses all was quiet, which was unusual for the 4077th. It was Major Burns, being assisted by chief nurse Major Houlihan, who broke the silence:

"Colonel, is it true the army has issued new chopper blades?" he asked. Henry, hard at work in a bowel resection, gave a confused look to Hawkeye, who he was working with.

"I don't think so, Frank." Said Henry. Burns threw a used piece of silk to the ground.

"I thought so." He mumbled, glaring at Trapper and Hawkeye. They were smiling under their surgical masks.

"It wasn't the blades, Frank," said Hawkeye "It was the wings."

"Oh." Spoke Frank, honestly interested.

"How long have we been in here?" asked Henry.

"Three hours." Spoke Major Houlihan. Henry sighed and asked for suction.

Trapper began to take off his gloves.

"I'm done here." He announced. He turned to Father Mulcahy standing next to him. "Any more, Father?"

"I believe Corporal Klinger said that was it." Said the Father.

"No new wounded have arrived? Are you sure?" asked Trapper remembering the pilot who said he would be back.

"Well..." began the Father. Just then Corporal Klinger walked in, wearing a nurse's uniform with a blue and red cape.

"Hey, Klinger," said Trapper "are there any more wounded?"

"That's it, Captain." Said Klinger.

"What's up, Trap?" asked Hawkeye, seeing that something was confusing his friend. Trapper shook his head.

"Probably nothing." He said.

After the shift, the surgeons retired to the changing room, adjacent to the OR. Dead on their feet, they began to remove their OR scrubs.

"By golly, these shifts aren't getting shorter." Said Henry. Frank, who rarely complained about long shifts even sighed.

"I've must a pulled twelve pounds of shrapnel out of one Private." He said.

"Only higher ranks deserve to be hit by more shrapnel." Hawkeye yawned.

"You know what I meant!" yelled Frank.

"Would you guys shut up!" cried Henry, his hand holding up his head "I got a whole sympathy orchestra playing in my sinuses."

"It's not that bad up here, in the balcony." Said Hawkeye. Henry got up and left. Trapper sat silent next to Hawkeye, who just happened to notice his perplexed state. "What's wrong with you?" Trapper got up.

"When choppers came in, I talked to a pilot, said he was going back for more wounded, you know, but I don't think he came back." Trapper explained.

"Maybe he went to another M*A*S*H." suggested Hawkeye.

"Or maybe the wounded died at the front while you were making chit-chat!" said Frank, disgusted.

"Frank," said Hawkeye " how would you like your appendix taken out through your throat." Burns took a step back, and looked at Trapper who was glaring at him.

"It was just a guess...," said Frank in a less offensive tone. Trapper took a step toward him and Frank ran out of the room. The standing doctor looked back to Hawkeye.

"Maybe I should have Radar check it out." Thought Trapper out loud. Hawkeye got up.

"I wouldn't worry about it, Trap." said Hawkeye, who yawned again.

"I don't know..." Trapper trailed off.

"You know what you need?" questioned Hawkeye "the finest, homemade, Swamp martini!" The pair began to walk out of the room. Trapper smiled.

"That might do it." He said.

After a quick stop at the Swamp for an infamous martini, Trapper still couldn't get his mind off that chopper. To put his nerves at ease, he went to go see Radar in his dispatch room, right outside the Colonel's office. Trapper had the short Corporal look up the casualties from the last wounded delivery and compare them to the number of men in the company that was hit at the front and then treated at the 4077th.

"Why are you so interested in records all of the sudden?" asked Radar.

"Well," explained Trapper "I was thinking of becoming one after the war."

Still looking through files, Radar gave a confused look. "It's kinda like being a doctor, you have to be well rounded, and work with a needle." Radar paused, still confused.

"Oh, that kind of record!" said the Corporal. He laughed. That's when Hawkeye entered from the Post-Op doors.

"I thought you were with Nurse Anderson." Said Trapper. Hawkeye sighed.

"She seems to be experimenting with new forms of rejection." The Hawk stated.

"Hot Lips says we need more scientifically skilled nurses." Joked Trapper.

"Here we go!" exclaimed Radar as he held up a single piece of paper. Trapper took it and read it over.

"I knew it!" said Trapper.

"What?" asked Hawkeye. Trapper showed him the paper.

"One company that was hit we treated, and from the count here, they're two men short!" explained Trapper. Hawkeye looked at the paper.

"It could be caused by a number of things Trap," explained Hawkeye "They could have gone AWOL, or captured, or they could have died right in the field." Trapper thought for a moment, Hawkeye could be right.

"You could talk to Sergeant Wilkings in Post-Op," Suggested Radar, quietly "he lead the company, he might know." Hawkeye and Trapper looked at each other for a moment and headed for Post-Op.

"You're welcome!" yelled Radar as they left.

Sergeant Wilkings laid in a cot is Post-Op, just as Radar said. He had bad leg wound and came in later with a jeep. He was made priority thus, he now very awake and had overcome the side effects of anesthesiology. He sat up in bed, reading the latest issue of Stars and Stripes. He looked up to see two Doctor's standing over him.

"Sergeant Wilkings?" asked Hawkeye.

"Yes, sir?" he answered. Trapper and Hawkeye sat down beside him. The Sergeant looked confused.

"Sergeant," spoke Trapper "do you know if all of your men are accounted for?" Wilkings looked up at the ceiling like he was thinking.

"We lost one man in the field, and a nurse tells me one died here." Recalled the Sergeant.

"Both of those were in the report." Said Trapper to Hawkeye. Hawkeye nodded.

"Was it like any of your group to go AWOL?" asked the Hawk. Wilkings shook his head.

"It was a very tight group, no one would leave another behind." Said the wounded man. Trapper picked up a nearby clipboard.

"Could you right the names of all your soldiers?" he asked. The Sergeant did and Hawkeye had them compared to all that were reported treated or deceased. A Private Thomson and Corporal Lee came up short, they were neither deceased nor rescued, according to Army record.

"Do you remember what happened to Lee and Thomson?" asked Hawkeye.

"They were both hit," remembered Wilkings "Lee real bad, I put them on a chopper myself. Aren't they here?" Hawkeye and Trapper gave a grave look to each other.

Meanwhile, Henry Blake sat in his office filling out papers regarding the last batch of wounded. He now sat in his casual clothing, complete with his favorite fly fishing hat. Scribbling out his name on the last paper he called for Radar, who was already by his side.

"Please, Radar don't do that!" said Henry in a stern voice, which he wished he was giving to his daughter.

"Sorry, sir," smirked Radar "You wanted to see me?" Henry handed Radar the papers.

"All done-" Henry wasn't able to finish his sentence, when a colorfully and boldly dressed Corporal Klinger walked in. He had on a large, tropical headpiece and a brightly hewed flowing dress.

"Holy cow!" cried Radar.

"Klinger, not now!" yelled Henry. Klinger raised his jeweled hand to silence them. He held up in his other hand a long thin wire with something stuck on the end. Henry looked more closely to see it was a piece of meat. Then, taking a lighter out of his dress, he set the small piece of meat on fire.

"What is this, Klinger?" asked Henry.

"I will now perform a painful act," Klinger announced "which will prove to you that I am crazy!"

"Oh, boy." Sighed Radar. In a slow action, the flaming piece of meat was placed to Klinger's lips. He then carefully placed it in his mouth and swallowed.

"Oh! He did it!" cried Radar, covering his eyes. Klinger's eye's then bugged open.

"How'd that feel?" asked Henry in a casual tone. The crazy Corporal grabbed his throat and was able to get out: "Water!"

"Radar, get him to a nurse!" commanded Henry. Radar did as told and as he and Klinger walked out of the office, Hawkeye and Trapper walked in.

"Henry," said Hawkeye "we have a problem."

"Isn't there any peace in this camp?" Henry asked rhetorically. Trapper went to Henry's liquor cabinet.

"Not while there's a war on, Henry." Said Trapper as he took out two glasses and a bottle of whiskey.

"We have two missing wounded." Informed Hawkeye.

"Missing?" asked Henry in surprise.

"They're neither reported wounded or deceased." Said Trapper, handing a glass of whiskey to Hawkeye.

"By army record, of course." Stated Hawkeye.

"Well, I don't know," admitted Henry "maybe they made a mistake." Trapper turned to Hawkeye.

"That can happen you know." He said.

"Yeah," continued Hawkeye "they made Frank a surgeon." Henry was about to yell again when Radar walked in, back from his trip with Klinger.

"Sir," said Radar to Henry "General Clayton is on the phone." Quickly, Henry picked it up.

"Hello, General," said Henry into the phone "we're doing OK...oh, I see...we'll get right on it, General," at this point Henry was giving a strange look to the doctor's drinking his booze, "Goodbye, General." Henry hung up and put his hands on his hips. "That was just General Clayton, he says that HQ has a chopper and pilot MIA and possibly wounded." The Colonel explained. Hawkeye and Trapper looked at each other. Henry looked down to Radar, who was standing near by. "Radar." Said Henry.

"Yes, sir?" asked Radar.

"Call a meeting, ASAP." Commanded Henry. Radar went off to rally the doctors, chief nurse and camp priest. Within five minutes they were all in Henry's office, ready for an official staff meeting. Radar was asked to call role call, and he did.

"General MacArthur?" Radar called off his clipboard. They all looked at him in confusion.

"He's been at the latrine since the war started." Said Hawkeye. Radar shuffled through his paper as Frank and 'Hot Lips' Houlihan glared at the wisecracking doctor. Radar called the correct role and the meeting began. Henry began to explain the problem:

"HQ has a chopper missing that was heading to our camp. It was carrying two wounded, probably a Private Thomson and Corporal Lee," Henry looked at Hawkeye and Trapper to make sure he got the names right. He did and continued. "The army says they're near the front lines, and because the North recently won, they're probably behind enemy lines. They were part of the company that was hit at the lines and treated here. HQ has issued search parties to find them but they said if we can spare the time they want help."

"Why us?" asked Hot Lips.

"Because we're the closest M*A*S*H and we treated the rest of the men." Answered Henry.

"I don't see why we have to help if there are search parties." Observed Frank. Hawkeye turned to him.

"Frank," he said, " the parties are regular companies, if they find them are they going to treat the wounds with their rifles?"

"Companies have medics!" yelled Frank to Hawkeye.

"Yeah," joined in Trapper, "but, field medics are just trained to patch up wounds and administer morphine. There's no way they will be able to treat serious wounds. The chopper probably crashed!" Frank crossed his arms and leaned back in the chair.

"I still don't think if we should go." He said.

"Neither do I." Spoke Hot Lips. Hawkeye gave a disgusted look.

"There's a surprise." He said.

"I think if we can be of help then we should do it." Said the Father.

"I'm with Father." Announced Hawkeye.

"Me too." Said Trapper. Hot Lips shook her head.

"If they're behind enemy lines they're probably captured." She added.

"Not if the enemy doesn't know their there." Countered Trapper.

"Enough!" called Henry. They all looked up at him, waiting for what their leader had to say, and waited...and waited.

"Well, what Henry?" asked Trapper. The Colonel shrugged.

"You guys were arguing and I thought it would be 'Colonel-ish' to stop it." Admitted Henry. Frank and Hot Lips gave a disgusted look.

"How about a vote?" suggested Father.

"That's the ticket father," said Henry "we are here fighting for democracy."

"I'm here for the wardrobe." Hawkeye stuck in. Henry brushed off the comment and called for a vote.

"All those in favor of helping?" The Father, Hawkeye and Trapper raised their hands. "It's settled then," decided Henry "Radar get a bus." Radar went off.

"This is outrageous!" cried Hot Lips as she left the room. Frank got up and looked at Henry.

"I agree!" he yelled and followed Major Houlihan.

Both Majors headed to Hot Lips' tent, they only place they could meet in private. Frank sat on Maj. Houlihan's cot while she stormed around the room.

"Can you believe those idiots, Frank?" she asked. He was silent. "I mean, who do they think they are, rushing over enemy lines to help wounded that are probably already dead or captured?" Frank still stood silent, staring straight ahead. "Frank are you listening?" He jumped up, startled.

"Oh, yes, cupcake." He said.

"What's wrong?" she asked. Frank stood up.

"Maybe I should go with them." He said. Hot Lips eyes widened and she rushed at Frank, grabbing his shoulders.

"Frank, you can't be serious!" He broke away from her and walked around the tent, looking at the ground.

"Well," he began in a timid voice, "promotions are coming up and this mission could make me a Colonel." His voice suddenly became more confident. "Then I would have control of the outfit, I'd shape it up, make it strictly military." He paused and reached for his gun, which was at his side. "Plus it might give me a chance to bag a few commies!"

"But Frank, it's dangerous!" Hot lips cried. He put his gun back in its holster.

"I have to go get my gear, Margaret." Frank quickly left for the Swamp.

Outside the Swamp, Hawkeye and Trapper were busy packing a jeep that they would use on the mission. No bus was available so a jeep must be used. They were given a phone to radio HQ if they found anything and a chopper would be sent out to find them. Henry and Radar were also present, making sure the two doctors were ready for the trip.

"I can't believe Frank!" complained Henry "Sometimes I think he's only here to get away from his wife!"

"Don't worry about Frank," said Trapper as he packed his medical bag, "he just has a will to survive and irritate more people."

"I don't like the odds," continued Henry, "there could be three possible wounded and you are only two doctors."

"So if we had Frank we would be two and one-third doctors." Said Hawkeye, putting on his helmet. Just then, Frank approached with his gear ready and Hot Lips hurrying behind him, with a distressed look on her face. Henry turned around to see them.

"Colonel," started Frank, "I'm here to participate in this dangerous mission." Hawkeye and Trapper who were in the jeep, smiled.

"All right, Frank. Good, get in the back." Said Henry, a little more relieved. The Colonel then took out a large map and laid it out on the hood. "This red square is where HQ says the chopper probably is." Said Henry pointing. "It stretches from...uh...Koomuhwa-"

"Kumhwa." Corrected Radar. Henry gave Radar an icy look. He continued.

"...To...Choorwoon-"

"Chorwon." Corrected Radar again. Henry turned to Radar again.

"Radar, it isn't that I can't pronounce the names if the villages, it's just that I can't say them!" yelled Henry.

"Yes, sir." Said Radar.

"Anyway," Henry said, giving the map to Trapper "You guys know what to do." Henry shook his head. "The odds still don't look that good. What if you guys need surgical assistance?"

"I don't think we can fit anyone else." Said Hawkeye.

"Radar," spoke Henry "go get Corporal Klinger." Radar ran off.

"Not that pervert!" protested Frank, not aware that Father Mulcahy was now standing near the jeep. Then Burns saw him. "Oh, sorry Father."

"I just came by to Bless the mission." Said Father.

"Oh, Father, that's very...holy of you." Commented Henry. Radar showed up with Klinger, who was wearing his regular Corporal uniform with a red scarf and earrings.

"Oh, brother," mumbled Frank.

"How do we feel, Klinger." Asked Henry. Klinger put his hand to his chest.

"I have terrible heartburn, sir." He replied.

"Very well, you'll be sitting in the back with Major Burns." Directed the Colonel. "He'll brief you on the mission." In the back, Frank grunted. So the four of them put on their helmets and the Father began the Blessing.

"Oh, Lord please protect these doctors of mercy on their mission to save others in need. Let them be successful and return them home quickly. Amen." Spoke the Father. Klinger turned to the Father.

"Father, I'm Atheist." Said Klinger.

"Oh!" mumbled the Father in surprise. "Then good luck, Klinger."

"Thanks, Padre." Thanked Klinger. Hawkeye started the jeep.

"Be careful, Frank!" cried Hot Lips.

"Farewell to all!" said Hawkeye and sped out of the compound. Henry, Hot Lips, Father and Radar waved goodbye.


On the dusty roads of Korea, Klinger was informed of the mission; Hawkeye was at the wheel, and Trapper shotgun with the map. They drove for about an hour, talking mostly chitchat until Trapper directed a question to Frank.

"What made you decide to come Frank?"

"Well," Explained Frank in his 'heroic' voice "I thought it would be a good choice to score some promotion points, and kill off a couple of reds." Trapper looked back to see that Burns was holding his pistol.

"C'mon, Frank!" yelled Trapper "You're supposed to be here as a doctor!"

"It will be your big acting debut." Added Hawkeye, over the sound of the engine.

"Hardy, har, har!" said Frank sarcastically.

Suddenly an explosion rang out. A geyser of earth bursts in front of the jeep. They were being shelled. Hawkeye began to back up the jeep but another shell hit a piece of road behind them, then another to the right of them.

"Fall out!" screamed Frank. For the first time they followed orders. They grabbed all that they could and took cover by the side of the road. The screech of another incoming shell sounded and in a flash of light the jeep was destroyed. The smoke and debris cleared and all that was left of the jeep was the frame, which was on fire.

"That means the shelling stops, right?" asked Frank. He was right, all artillery receded and it was safe to get up.

"Let's make a equipment check." Said Hawkeye. "Medical bags?"

"Check." Said Klinger.

"Surgical instruments?"

"Check." Said Trapper.

"Antibiotics?"

"Check." said Frank.

"Phone?" Klinger held up the phone in three separate pieces.

"Oh, great!" yelled Trapper.

"Now what are we going to do?" asked Frank in his crooning voice.

"Let's just stay calm!" suggested Hawkeye.

"We could be under enemy lines!" cried Klinger.

"Calm..." soothed Hawkeye.

"They'll kill us!" cried Frank, his gun in hand.

"Guys!" said Hawkeye "Shut up!" They all caught their breath.

"What are we going to do?" Trapper asked.

"I say we go back." Answered Frank.

"Me too," added Klinger "without the jeep we're sitting ducks." Trapper turned to Hawkeye and whispered:

"They're right, you know. We'll only make it if we're driving ducks."

"I know." Whispered Hawkeye. He then spoke to the group: "We'll go back then. Hopefully a company will find the helicopter." So they began to walk back to which they came, but Frank stopped them.

"We can't go on the main road!" he yelled. "That's the first place they'll look!"

"Then where, Major?" asked Klinger. Frank looked around.

"That side road." He said, pointing. "We don't know where it leads but whoever shelled us won't find us." They took Frank's advice and traveled the side road.

Soon the heat, nervousness and weight of the equipment wore down on them. Trapper and Hawkeye were tempted to take Frank's gun and shoot him with it because he wouldn't stop humming. Klinger kept complaining that the sun was ruining his linen scarf.

"Let's all just shut up!" suggested Hawkeye. "Whoever is the quietest will get a Purple Heart sticker."

The side road then opened up to a large field. The group looked it over and didn't like what they saw. Dozens of foxholes, craters gouged into the earth, and bullet shell casings all over the ground.

"This must be part of the front line!" exclaimed Trapper.

"Complements of Major Columbus!" yelled Hawkeye looking at Frank. Gunfire sounded.

"What was that?" inquired Klinger. It sounded again, very close to them. They found cover in a small foxhole near the outskirts of a wooded area.

"It must be an enemy company!" Screamed Frank over the gunfire shots. The Major took out his gun.

"Frank, if you shoot one of them I'm going to march you over there to patch them up!" yelled Hawkeye.

"I think I was hit!" cried Trapper. Hawkeye looked to his friend to see him holding his left shoulder. He released his hand to show his bunkee blood. Quickly, Hawk grabbed his bag and examined the wound.

"It's just a graze!" he announced as he patched it up.

"That would be good if I was a cow!" said Trapper.

The gunfire suddenly sounded more rapidly. Klinger peeked his head out quick, in curiosity.

"Our guys have showed up!" he informed in delight. As Klinger said this, Frank found and held up a strange looking mechanical fragment.

"What's this?" asked Frank, still over all the gunfire. Hawkeye, who just finished bandaging Trapper, looked over. Trapper took the piece and looked to ground to see two more.

"They almost look like engine parts." Observed Klinger.

"Engine?" asked Hawkeye. Klinger nodded. Carefully, Hawkeye peeked out of the foxhole and into the woods. "I think there's something in there!" he exclaimed.

"What?" asked Trapper. Without answering, Hawkeye began to climb out and crawl toward the woods to avoid bullets.

"Where's he going?" demanded Frank. Trapper began to follow him, then Klinger. "I'm staying in here, I'm not going to get shot!" said Frank. A bullet that hit the side of the foxhole changed his mind.

When they were deep enough into the woods they stood up, but still kept low. What was soon revealed to them was the wreckage of a U.S. helicopter, with debris all over the ground like the kind they found in the foxhole. They rushed to it looking for survivors. Trapper searched the cockpit to find the pilot, barely conscious and bleeding from his head, arm and leg. He seemed to awaken a little at the sight of Trapper.

"Hello again." Said Trapper. "I didn't catch your name last time."

"Lieutenant Hopkins." Mumbled the pilot.

"Hopkins, what happened?" Asked Trapper, as he began to treat the wounds.

"Enemy company shot at us while I was picking up wounded...hit the engine and I tried to land."

"All right Hopkins," said Trapper " You are going to be OK."


Out side the chopper Hawkeye had Frank and Klinger tend the wounded man in one of the body capsules on the side of the chopper. He was in shock and lost a lot of blood. Hawk then ran to the other side of the wreckage for the other wounded man. Unfortunately, the way the chopper crashed it crushed the other body capsule. Hawkeye was able to grab the dog tags of the man they were marked: Corporal Lee.

"Rest in peace, Lee." Mumbled Hawkeye. He went back to help the other doctors. That was when the shooting stopped and the U.S. company entered the woods.

"You guys need any help?" said the Sergeant. They saw the doctors working hard on Private Thomson, trying to get him stable and out of shock. Hopkins was laid out; conscious on the ground, all bandaged up.

"You got a medic?" asked Trapper. The company medic ran over to help them. After five minutes of fighting, Thomson was both stable and out of shock. They were able to relax and bandage him up.

"What happened to the enemy?" asked Frank.

"They ran," said the Sergeant, "we out numbered them."

"Do you guys have a phone?" asked Hawkeye.

"Yeah." Said the Sergeant.

"Call HQ and get a chopper for these guys." Commanded Trapper. "Have them sent to the 4077th surgical hospital." The Sergeant did.

"Now," said Hawkeye, packing his things with the rest of the doctors, "is there away to get to that M*A*S*H from here?"

"We're pretty close," said the Sergeant. He turned and pointed to a large hill in the opposite direction from the front line. "About three miles that way." They thanked the company for their help and headed for their camp.

In about an hour and a half they reached the 4077th just in time to operate on Thomson and have Hopkins' broken leg taken care of. This all took place at night, and the next mourning Hawkeye and Trapper sat in relaxation in their tent, the Swamp. Both had their robes on and martinis in hand. Hawkeye took a large sip and sighed in satisfaction.

"You know we should sell are booze recipe when we get home." Said Hawkeye.

"I'd bet we would get real good money in the antifreeze business." Added Trapper. Frank walked in from his early Post-Op duty. He sat down on his bunk and began to take off his boots.

"How are Hopkins and Thomson, Frank?" asked Hawkeye.

"Oh, they'll be all right." Reported Frank. He laughed and turned to his tent mates. "That was kinda fun going out and rescuing, huh?" Hawkeye and Trapper looked at each other and then back at Frank in disbelief.

"Fun?" asked Trapper.

"I'd rather have my teeth pulled out with vascular clamps then go out and do that again." Said Hawkeye. Frank got up and began to undress.

"Being a part of the army should make you proud that you accomplished a military mission." Said Frank. Hawkeye turned to Trapper.


"You think Frank's brain is camouflage printed?" he whispered.

The Swamp's door opened and Henry entered, with Radar close behind. Trapper got up and made a martini for his Colonel. Henry cleared his throat.

"I just wanted to come in here and congratulate you guys for doing such a good job." Spoke Henry. Trapper handed him the martini, "How's your arm, McIntyre?"

"Fine." Trapper answered. Henry continued:

"General Clayton is very impressed and suggested I'd give you these to you." Henry handed out a small piece of paper to the doctors. Frank read off it:

"A three day pass to Tokyo." He read. Hawkeye and Trapper looked at each other and stood up.

"After a painstaking mission where we were bombed..." began Hawkeye.

"Shelled," added Trapper.

"Shot at," said Hawkeye "My best friend was shot!"

"I was shot!" said Trapper.

"We battled the elements and saved two lives and all you can give us is a lousy 3-day pass?" commanded Hawkeye. He took his and Trapper's pass and ripped them in half. "We at least deserve a week!" Henry looked down to the fallen, ripped passes on the ground and then back up at the protesting doctors.

"It was either those," explained Henry "or nothing." Hawkeye and Trapper looked at each other once more before sprawling to the ground, retrieving the damaged passes.

"Quick, Radar," commanded Hawkeye "get the tape!"